There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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