Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
