She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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