I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
