i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
