We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
