I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
