I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
