That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
