Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
