meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
