You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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