It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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