Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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