Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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