Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize