the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
