okay pat passed out under dana's car
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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