somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
