last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
