I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
