I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
