I think I am morally bankrupt
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
COCAINE IS GR8
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
