hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
