I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
