what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
