dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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