she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
