drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
