My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
