took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
