Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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