Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
