You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
