Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
