saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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