U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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