If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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