I'm lost and stupid without you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
