Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize