mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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