i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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