I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
