Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
