We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
