I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
