haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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