New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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