Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
