I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
