Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
