is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
