haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I faked an abortion last night.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
