I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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