I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
