Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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