you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
