By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
