hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
