Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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