she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize