This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
