we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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