Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
