I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
