I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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