I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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