Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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