also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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