Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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