yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
