Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
