I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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