I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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