dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
