so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
