His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
