Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
